Thursday, February 2, 2012

In My Heart


16 years ago today was the worst day of my life. The unimaginable happened. The world took you away from us. It is one of those things that you think cannot possibly happen to you. It only happens to other people. And yet it did. You didn't survive, like we hoped you would. It is strange to think back to that time. E-mail and search engines were relatively new (at least to us) - I remember looking up lung cancer on a computer in Jeff's math lab. The statistics were grim. It said something like only 5 % of people with lung cancer survive longer than one year. But we honestly believed that you would be in that 5 %. I believed it with all of my heart.

Five months later and you were gone. In some ways those 5 months seemed like forever, but at the same time it was quick. There was not enough time. To this day I wish I had not gone back to UBC. I wish I had just stayed home. I could easily have gotten back into the Education program under the circumstances. It is one of my biggest regrets. Jeff often reminds me that I couldn't just put my life on hold. What if you lived for a year? Two years? There is no way you would want me to put my life on hold for that long. And yet I gladly would have done it for you.

You are loved and missed every day by so many people.

Always in our hearts.

I wrote about my mom in 2010 and 2011. My brother wrote about her here.


  1. The sadness never really goes away..sending you some ((hugs)).

  2. In my faith when we remember someone we love who is gone we say, "memory eternal" because they are forever in our hearts and in our memories.
    Memory Eternal! to your dear mom.
    I am sure she is smiling at you and so proud of you as a mom.

  3. thanks for sharing about your mom, tricia. sending you a huge hug. xoxo.

  4. And in Central America, the custom is to call out the person's name along with: Presente! To say that the person is still present.

  5. Thanks for all the comments my friends. It means a lot!